Yeah, I know it's been a while, and you're dying to know what I've been doing with myself. At this point it's a really long story that doesn't read so well, but I'm good, and isn't that what counts?

Now that we're caught up, I need something from you: I have an office job that bores me and I need stuff to read. So send me links!!!!! You know what I like!

here are a few things that made my trip to Oakland/San Francisco awesome.

I'm leaving for Oakland, CA early on Thursday morning. I only have a few days and most of my time will be spent in meetings, so I need a list that I can act on at a moment's notice. Please be my travel guide!

I keep having dreams in which all of the unresolved issues that have plagued me over the past month have been resolved. I've written the emails I need to, had the conversations that continually get put off, finished the cleaning I want to do, made the appointments that need to be made. In short, I dream regularly that I am an adult. Instead of depressing me, this disparity between my dream life and my real one, I've been feeling kinda inspired when I wake. Like, I'm really close to getting some shit done. Like, it all really could happen. Soon.

Who has a good gazpacho recipe? I want to make some tomorrow!

This ipod business is proving to be a full time job. I just need like 48 hours of focused time with it. That's a legit reason to call into work, right?

Guess who owns an ipod? I mean besides you and everyone you know. The answer is ME!!!!!!!!!

1. Me running through an intersection with coffee sloshing in one hand and an umbrella and coffee cake in the other.

2. Me getting soaked every time my umbrella turns itself inside out on my walk to work.

3. Me realizing halfway to work that I forgot to put on deodorant.

4. Me having a such an engaging conversation in my head that I make ridiculous facial expressions that passersby notice and find ridiculous enough to laugh at.

It's finally spring! I broke out the nail polish (haven't worn any since last summer) and found a drink to talk a lot about!

Bacon may be my favorite conversation topic. It really brings people together.

Why do I go to such great lengths to avoid whatever it is that most needs to be done? Oh yeah, because I SUCK.

Do you know that song that Lyle Lovett covers? It's called Bears? Do you know what kind of bears he's singing about? Like the grizzly outdoor kind, the big gay kind, or is the Bear just a metaphor for masculinity. It's weird to have a whole song about bears.

I have just decided that as much as I love Wolf Parade, I would love a parade of wolves even more.

American publishers have one of the lowest translation rates in the
Western world, according to Andrew Grabois, a consultant for Bowker,
which tracks the publishing business. Only 3 percent of books published
in the United States are translations (4,114 in 2005), Mr. Grabois
said, compared with, for example, 27 percent in Italy. As a result,
linguists contend, much of the English-speaking world knows little of
other countries and cultures.

If I was in New York I'd be going to these festivals, instead I'm just going to geek out over Reading the World.

Um, I've been busy?

The books piled in my house that I fantasize about reading:
Realm of the Dead by Uchida Hyakken
Suite Francaise by Irene Nemirovsky
Willful Creatures by Aimee Bender
Saints and Strangers and The Magic Toyshop by Angela Carter
All the Le Guin I haven't yet read
I can't even begin to think about the comics that have been piling up for months: Young Avengers, New Avengers, All of the House of M decimation titles, blah, blah, blah. I don't even know what Spider-man's new costume looks like. Fucked up!

I'm almost caught up to the current eps of V Mars, and I've again realized that my life would be better lived if I just stopped before any decision was ever made and asked myself, What would Veronica Mars do?

Have you ever seen a skinned squirrel? If you haven't, I wish I was you.


p.s. Sam, the subject heading reference is for you.

Do you know www.catandgirl.com? You should!

The Awake Shake from Sweet Occasions. Oh my god it is delicious!!! Your choice of ice cream blended with iced coffee! I had it made with mint chocolate on Monday, but there's like 30 or more flavors at this place. Yes, I think I must try them all. Mmmmmm...bubble gum ice cream and coffee.

I have a few new user pics--thanks to spillshercoffee for taking the photos and to duck2ducks for making the icons!

I have never seen water so many shades of blue. I mean on postcards, sure. In movies. Seeing it for myself was something entirely different. I could have spent every minute just watching the waves come in and the shades of blue change throughout the day. From my bed, I could look out the window and see the open Caribbean sea.


I had plans to do a lot of reading and drinking, but I didn't get much of either done. The book I chose to start the vacation with was the book I was still reading at the end of the trip. It's really good, just not beach reading. There isn't much of a plot, and the language and allusions are much to complex and beautiful to skim through, so I'd pick up the book, read ten pages, stare off into the ocean for a while, flip over in my chair, read a few more pages, stare off again, etc. The drinking just didn't happen mostly because I felt so dehydrated I really wanted water or juice. I also drank a few soda flavors not found here--like tamarind and apple--and a lot of Fresca. Matt on the other hand drank enough pina coladas to fuel a sorority beach party. And who can blame him--pina coladas are delicious. I did have a few margaritas, and now that I'm back wish I had bought a fancy bottle of tequila to drown my Chicago winter blues.

Matt and I spent a lot of our time getting to and from places.

Our hotel's beach wasn't really meant for swimming or lounging or anything really, so on our first full day, after spending hours trying to find a restaurant, failing, but finding something delicious anyway, we took a bus to a public beach a few kilometers away. Taking buses in foreign cities I've always found to be complicated (due to my own stupidity, not the system's inadequacy), and this proved to be no exception. I had no real idea how much the bus cost, we had to get change, there was some guess work about how and where to get off the bus, etc. But we finally made it to the beach, and oh my god was it gorgeous. A huge stretch of white sand and the open Caribbean crashing onto the shore. I didn't actually swim. The waves were strong and high enough that I didn't feel very comfortable doing anything other than standing and letting the water hit me at thigh level. I had forgotten how powerful the ocean is, and even just standing at the beginning of it, without the visual cue of the beach to anchor me, made me feel small and slight and easily washed away. I was surprised at how warm the water was and how that helped make the experience really soothing at the same time as it felt dangerous. I cannot stress enough how much I want to still want to be on that beach.

So, the real adventure on the trip occurred on Friday with our trip to Chichen Itza. We left our hotel at ten in the morning knowing that we had to head into downtown Cancun and take highway 180 to the ruins. I figured that there would be an obvious sign pointing to that highway. I was soooooo wrong. Driving in Cancun proved to be an adventure all it's own--I'm really happy to have just been the passenger--there aren't so many road signs or marked lanes or intersections that make sense. And everyone drives really fast. After driving around in circles for about half an hour I was completely lost--no sense of direction at all. What made this experience even more problematic was my bladder had decided before we even left the hotel that it was taking the day off. Seriously, I peed at the hotel before we left, walked to the parking garage and had to have Matt pull up in front of the hotel so I could pee again, and after driving around downtown Cancun for just a half an hour was starting to feel desperate. Thankfully the McDonald's public bathroom can be found anywhere in the world, so as I relieved myself, Matt figured out (in a very general way) which direction we needed to go. By sheer luck--he was right! We finally found ourselves on a road that looked a little bigger, with a few more signs and some tour buses traveling along it. Yay--we were on our way. The trip was uneventful--except for my desperate need to pee and Matt almost passing out at the wheel.


Chichen Itza was really amazing. The sheer size is astonishing, and the stone carvings are both creepy and beautiful. There were parts of buildings you could walk into and see tunnels leading all over. I was disappointed that we couldn't climb up the side of the huge temple to see the view, but clearly lots of damage had been done already. I always approach ruins and graveyards with a bit of reverence and respect for the lives that have passed before me. Ummmm....Matt was the antidote to any pondering or melancholy I could ever conjure up. EVERY location was reimagined or renamed by him. You'll have to ask him for the details because I'm trying to shut that part out of my brain.

So after walking around in the sun for hours, we were ready for cold drinks, ice cream and a much shorter ride home. After the best tasting Fresca of my life and an ice cream bar in hand, we get back on 180 to Cancun. The weird thing is there were two exits for 180 to Cancun, so we started on one, freaked out and turned around to take the other. That was our big mistake. So we started driving and Matt was pretty sure he didn't recognize the road, but I wasn't sure at all and all the signs still said we were pointing in the right direction. Finally we get to the closest big town to Chichen Itza, can't take the turn we need to and spend half an hour trying to get back to the highway. Right around this time I realized that there ARE two 180's that head to Cancun--the tollway, which we had taken that morning and the local highway. So that was a relief--we were just taking the scenic route. Well, the scenic route took over four hours to finally get us back to our hotel. Looking back it was one of my favorite parts of the trip. I never otherwise would have seen so much of the countryside and the way people really live. At every little town there was a couple HUGE speed bumps so we had to slow down to almost a complete stop so there was plenty of time to look around. I wish I had some pictures--so much color, lots of kids and dogs running around, people hanging out and chatting. As the sun finally set about two hours into the drive and there wasn't much to be seen outside, I figure Matt and I could have gotten really cranky about our unfortunate route. Instead we had fantastic conversation that made the remaining two hours completely fly by. We were much more prepared to deal with downtown Cancun this time around, and easily navigated our way back to the hotel. It was a bit shocking, having spent so many hours passing houses smaller than single car garages, to see the massive resorts rise up before us as we entered the Zona Hotelera.

The next day was spent lounging in the sun and shopping and wandering around. It was also a day spent regretting that I didn't take off a full week, or better yet two weeks to lie in the sun. God it felt good to sweat.

It also felt good to eat:
I had fish tacos and guacamole the first night
On Thursday Matt and I had an amazing meal at La Madonna--this fancy italian restaurant with a huge martini list. I started the evening with a "martini" that was white rum, sugar, lime, orange, and soda water--pretty delicious! Then had an amazing glass of merlot with my dinner of a black tubular pasta stuffed with shrimp served with a rich creamy sauce. For dessert there was a fancy decorated plate of chocolate mousse. There were two exciting and unexpected highlights of the evening: first, the flatbread that was brought before the meal had the most delicious seasoning with big granules of seasalt which made it completely addictive, and second, one of the chefs brought a gas grill on wheels to a table next to us and mad a pan flame really high while cooking the most aromatic meat EVER. Oh my god I wanted to steal the pan out of his hands!!!!
Thursday afternoon at 100% Natural and had a sandwich with Nopal (cactus) and panela cheese with beans and guacamole. For the final breakfast on Sunday we went back and I had Pochos: poached eggs served over nopal (cactus) spinach and bread with a poblano pepper, almonds and cream sauce. I could eat that EVERY DAY!!
On Friday we ate lunch at the restaurant at Chichen Itza which we didn't expect to be very good, but was quite a pleasant surprise. I had these corn tortillas that were fried with beans in the middle then on top was shredded chicken, guac, and a slice of tomato. When we finally made it back to Cancun that night, we went to a fancy Mexican restaurant called maria bonita or paloma bonita--both appear to be the same place. We started out with these fancy rolls--some had cheese in them, some were spicy, made of cornmeal, etc and I had a huge plate of guac with chips and salsa. I then had my favorite dish of the trip: mussels in a creamy chipotle sauce. It was the perfect amount of spicy.
We also went to Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville across the street from our hotel to redeem the free margarita coupons we received on the first day. Wow. That place sucked. Don't go, like ever. Free drinks are cool, but I don't know that it's worth how dirtied your soul will become listening to Jimmy Buffet sing duets while watching the wait staff prepare for the "beach party" night. Gross.

I was really tempted to buy super tacky souvenirs for everyone, because there was so much available, but I resisted and you should all be thankful for that. Instead I just took a lot of pictures!

Yesterday I got sick. The kind of sick that I would pay great sums of money and do all sorts of unspeakable acts if I could buy my way out of it. My body decided to expunge itself of all fluids, violently. Kids, it was gross. I am now sitting up and sipping at some soup, hoping all goes well. I have a much more fascinating post about my trip to Mexico, but it's only half written and I have a feeling that it will be a few days before I get back to it. So stay tuned for the good stuff! And really, if you know someone who knows someone who can help me sell my soul for good health--hook me up.

For some reason I was really into the idea of posting a poem or two here for v-day, but as I was looking through my collection I just got caught up in reading my favorite Mary Oliver poems. These are from a sequence of thirteen poems found in West Wind .

And the speck of my heart, in my shed of flesh
and bone, began to sing out, the way the sun
would sing if the sun could sing, if light had a
mouth and a tongue, if the sky had a throat, if
god wasn't just an idea but shoulders and a spine,
gathered from everywhere, even the most distant
planets, blazing up. Where am I? Even the rough
words come to me now, quick as thistles. Who
made your tyrant's body, your thirst, your delv-
ing, your gladness? Oh Tiger, oh bone-breaker,
oh tree on fire! Get away from me. Come closer.

and from the same sequence:

And what did you think love would be like?
A summer day? The brambles in their places,
and the long stretches of mud? Flowers in every
field, in every garden, with their soft beaks and
their pastel shoulders? On one street after an-
other, the litter ticks in the gutter. In one room
after another, the lovers meet, quarrel, sicken,
break apart, cry out. One or two leap from
windows. Most simply lean, exhausted, their
thin arms on the sill. They have done all that
they could. The golden eagle, that lives not far
from here, has perhaps a thousand tiny feathers
flowing from the back of its head, each one
shaped like an infinitely small but perfect sphere.

I don't know why I thought I wouldn't spend all day obsessing about how messy my apartment is when I know that people will be coming over tonight. And it's not like there's just a bit of clutter on the coffee table or something. There is a bowl of BBQ sauce sitting on my stove that is left over from the Super Bowl grilling. That is past gross.